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DivineWrath
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Location: South Carolina, United States
Birthday: 9/16/1979
Gender: Male
Interests: All things dark and gloomy, things off the beaten path, things considered sinful, things considered "wrong", and of course Amanda
Expertise: seeing things for what they really are, anything related to Tolkien, Reading, art, Being a damn fine lover (sameless ego boosting of myself).
Occupation: Legal
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  wamphyriseraphim
Yahoo:  filthy_cradle_fan
Member Since:
2/5/2004
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| Paranoid delusions or legitamate suspicions?
I found out what FORD stands for...Fix Or Repair Daily, or if you
prefer, Found On Road Dead. Can anyone explain to me how it is a person
can take their car in for a routine tune up and the mechanic discovers
over $500 worth of repair work that needs to be done last
tuesday? or better yet, when you bring back the car the next day for
said repair work because they had to order parts and after sitting at
the shop for five and a half HOURS they take it out for a road test and
discover an additonal $600 in nesecary repair work? or how about the
timing of your boss asking you to work the night your car is out of
comission because of the first discovery of needed repair work
(this being your normal night off, of course). when you tell your boss
you have no way to work that night he offers you a ride, so you accept,
trying to help out and be the good employee that you are. when he gets
you to work he informs you that because he lives in aynor (however the
fuck that's spelled), an hour away, and you get off at 5am he won't be
able to pick you up and you have to find your own way home. you have no
choice but to call a cab and the ride home costs you just over $40 (not
counting tip), thats the price of two full tanks of gas, two weeks
worth of going to and from work! he reassures you that he will
reimburse you for PART of the cab fair (part turns out to be $15). so
after working on your night off at your own expense, you go to have
your car worked on and sit at the shop for the aforementioned
five and a half hours, the time you would normaly be sleeping before
work that night, you finaly get home with just enough time to get 2
hours sleep before having to work all night AFTER working and not
sleeping the day before, (the day you were SUPPOSED to fucking be off!)
you call your boss and explain the situation, practicaly begging him to
find someone to fill in for you so you can get some badly needed sleep
and he doesn't even think for a second before flat out denying your
request, telling you you have to work regardless of your physical
state. then he reminds you that falling asleep at work will result in
being fired..... is it me or is this just fucked up? so fucked up in
fact that it can't possibly be an accident, there HAS to be some higher
power getting a jolly good laugh out of all this, right? regardless of
the whys of the situation, the conclusion is the same: I'm way overdue
to own a firearm. oh wait! thats right! I'm gun-sitting for an out of
town friend! I suppose he'd be pissed that a gun registered to him was
used to take out an entire repair shop, a car, a workplace, everyone at
the office that employs the rampaging psycho, and finaly said psycho
himself. but hey, I wouldn't be around for him to bitch at! too bad I'm
too much of a fucking pussy and still too grounded in reality to do it.
god, I hate my life.
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|  Ok caila , this one is for you, and is
isn't going to be pretty. first I tried being nice, kind even. Then I
tried being passaive and just keeping my mouth shut. But you keep
pushing and pushing and I have bitten my tongue to the point of almost
biting it off. So now it's time for BRUTAL fucking honesty. I'm tired
of this shit.
You seem to believe that it is ok to force your opinions and beliefs on
others. that it is ok to condemn people for not agreeing with you, or
for being in any way disagreeable to your perception of how the world
OUGHT to be. You expect others to not only accept your opinions and
beliefs but to share them as well. But you refuse to at least accept
that other people have different opinions. Just because you don't agree
with an idea doesn't give you any right to look down on someone or tell
them how worthless they are for it. The nature of beliefs and opinions
is such that NO ONE is right or wrong. what applies to one person does
not apply to another, and as such no one has any right to condemn
another for that difference. You are mrs. "high and mighty voice of
god" pointing your holy finger and calling people out in the name of
your beliefs, when the very religion you use to denounce people states
"let he who has no sin cast the first stone" and "judge not lest ye be
judged" . what does that make you? a HYPOCRITE! if you had paid any
attention to any of the things I talked about on the phone all those
times, you'd realize that you are one of the very people that make my
blood boil and makes me hate the world so much. because of people like
you, I welcome and pray for the apocalypse. what did I say over and
over, time and again? I said "the only true sin in this world is one
person trying to force thier will on another". and you agreed with me
whole heartedly,even said to me "if I don't agrre with someone's
lifestyle I still don't judge them for it, the lord has taught me
forgiveness and acceptance" . yet you try to force yourself on others
unmercifuly. again, this makes you a hypocrite.
You also have a tendancy to completely rearrange
situations in your head to suit yourself. you twist and mutilate and
even completely make up what other people say and do to make yourself
the victim in every circumstance. even when something is completely
spelled out for you in no uncertain terms, you hear it
differntly, to suit what you WANT to hear. then you go and spread lies,
rumors and half truths to other people. and for what? for sympathy? for
attention? that seems to be all you want from people. you are a
professional victim and aren't happy unless you are miserable and other
people feel bad for you. you need constant reassurance that you aren't
ugly, that you don't suck, that nothing is ever your fault . you even
go so far as to take everything and I mean EVERYTHING as a personal
attack. If the wind blows the wrong way, it must be because someone
doesn't like you and wants to hurt you. And what is this hang-up of
yours about what people think about you? everyone is selfconcious to a
point but you take it to a level I have NEVER encountered before in my
life. you are convinced that people in other countries that don't even
know you exist hate you and think you suck. And so what if someone
doesn't like you? so fucking what? why should that affect you? why is
anyone's opinion of you besides your own important? If I was so uptight
about what other people thought about me, I'd never leave the house,
never speak to anyone, and probably end up painting the walls with my
brains. I couldn't live like that, and I'm not sure how you are able to
either, unless of course it really is just a sympathy act, and that is
much more believeable. you really ought to spend a lot more time
worrying about yourself and not other people.
One last thing. If you intend to write a rebuttal, some
sort of "fuck you, that isn't true" rant, please think through what you
are going to say. Don't send some garbled, unintelligeable, poorly
worded and even more poorly spelled crap. every time you have ever
written a response to anything Amanda or I have said that you didn't
like, it barely made any sense. you mix ideas, jumble phrases and use
cocepts and terminology so abstract they'd confuse Picasso. Undoubtedly
you think I'm full of shit but anyone with and I.Q. above dirt would
realize I have a point after reading the chatoic thripe you post. I
know that there is no real point to this rant, as you will read it,
your brain will process it and you will undoubtedly interpet it as me
being an asshole and Amanda trying to "get you". once again, you will
see yourself the victim through no fault of her own, just a poor
undeserving soul being crapped on because everyone is out to get her.
I'm done with you and your childish games. You get
so upset when people treat you like a little kid. Maybe they treat you
like that because it's how you act, my eleven year old sister is far
more mature than you.
I have said all I have to say, I tried being nice, and being nuetral. I
gave you far more slack and credit than I do most people who act far
less disagreeable. But I'm at the end of my rope and i'm done with you,
don't come around trying to start dramma because you will be ignored
outright.
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| Chance leaves today. it sucks major dick, really. I will miss him terribly. How did he spend his final evning here? drunk and very, very beligerant. he talked major shit to everyone, especialy his friends, he tried to start a fight when we went out, he was just all around loud and obnoxious. I can understand it, considering what he is facing back home, it's just very sad. It's a bad end to a bad thing I guess. The girl he had been seeing and (even if he refuses to admit it) pretty well fallen in love with, gave him all kinds of shit on the phone and didn't even bother to come see him on his last night here, and it is very doubtful she will show up today. She has no idea what it's doing to him, causing him more pain than he needs right now. the stupid cunt is mad that he didn't call her back the other day when he didn't even know she had called. so she is doing this childish shit to "get even" or some stupid shit like that. The next time I see her I will tell her in no uncertain terms what she meant to him and what her selfish little stunt did to him....not that I expect her to care, she IS tiffany's twin sister, meaning they are both childish, stupid, self-centered psychotic whores. Ironic really, my two best friends destroyed by sisters from hell.
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| Update time, and what to say? not a whole lot to say. I'm preparing to take my friend chancey back to V.A. in about a week. He will face the court and who knows if or how long he will go to jail. I have thoroughly enjoyed having him here, I hope he is able ,indeed willing, to return soon. I already know that when I move out atthe end of the month tiffany will have rob all to herself and see to it that I probably don't see him very often, if ever. But hey, fuck that stupid cunt, let her have him. So what if he has been my best, closest friend for the last 10 years, and over the course of 6months of dating that attention-whore he has bocome a completely different person. I don't know him anymore, and we have become as cold to each other as strangers. But so what? fuck it. Let them have each other. When it all does finaly fall apart, I know I will have him begging me to forgive him, as he has so many times before (like the 3+ times I became absolutely enthralled with a girl and he wound up dating her, forsaking me except when he needed a ride to her house or to have her brought to him -and believe that I was there to help the two of them whenever they needed it, always biting back the pain, to offer my blessings-) Well that's how it goes, time has taught me well and I have paid attention. So I already know how things will turn out.
That's about all there is for now, nothing too exciting (except perhaps the feeling I get every time I think of my Amanda).
I love you Amanda | | |
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  The games children play are foolish but acceptable when it's children playing them. But when people who are supposed to be "mature" play the same games, it's just sad. Example? You like a person, that person happens to like a friend of yours. Ok, it sucks, that's the way life goes. It happens to everyone at some point. The "mature" reaction would be to make it known that you aren't happy with the way things are and let it be, accept it and move on.
The childish reaction is a bit different. First you tell the person you like a bunch of crap, lies, and stories about your friend and claim to be "warning" him about the danger his heart is in. You say you don't want him to get hurt and that he should know that your friend is a no good, two timer that will leave him at the drop of a hat for a different or better dick. When that doesn't work you go to your friend and tell her that he is an "assmasher" (what the fuck kind of stupid word is that anyway?). You tell her that after getting to know him and based on the things he has told you, he is just out for a piece of ass. All he wants from your friend is sex and that he will leave her as soon as he gets bored or finds something better. You tell her this simply out of concern, because you don't want her to be used or hurt.
Now, let's think about this for a moment. How fucking twofaced and patheticly obvious is it that you are just trying to wreck a good thing? Sounds to me like jellousy and spite, not concern. Perhaps it's done simply to try and get some form of revenge. If that is the case then you need to quit whining, get the fuck over it and meve the hell on. Just think, if you dedicated as much time and enrgy towards finding someone else, you might actualy succeed and land a good guy (perhaps the RIGHT guy for you?). If, however, you are doing it to try to have another shot at the person you like (to "free him up" or some shit) then you are dumber than a box full of hammers. All you are going to succeed in doing is making certain he never wants to so much as hear your name again.
I have found something truly good and wonderful in Amanda. I love her more than I thought it was possible to love someone. All my life I have dreamed of what we have and always been convinced that it would forever remain a dream. Now that I have finaly found something good, something that I truly cherish, it is in jeopardy. The seeds of doubt are small, but they have still been planted and for that I am angrier than I can begin to express. I could deal with the slander and self-pitty, even understood it (having been the victim of the same situation, time and again). But putting this thing that brings me immeasuable joy in danger of falling apart because of doubt....that is goddamn un-fucking-forgivable. It is selfish, childish, and only pushing people further away from you ( including those that aren't involved,don't think they don't see what you are doing and thinking less of you for it). My advice to anyone playing such games is to grow the fuck up, get over it, move on and try again with someone else.
This may sound unnecessarily harsh but I tried being civil, and as kind as possible about the situation already and it didn't work. Now I risk losing the love of my life because someone else didn't get thier fucking way. The danger may be small, but the simple fact that it is even there is enough to make me so mad I could puke blood (preferably other people's). I won't forget this and my opinion of the offending party is greatly diminished because of it . And one last minor but annoying issue...Who the fuck is another friend of yours, who has never even met me, doesn't know me from adam, to judge me or claim to know my intentions and call me and "assmasher"? All that person has to go on is your totaly fucking biased (and undoubtedly distorted) version of the way things went. This person doesn't have any place to make a call on wether or not I'm just "chasing tail" and needs to shut the fuck up along with you.
I am sick of human-fucking-beings and all thier petty little games.I have all I need or want in this world. I have my best friends of 10+ years and now I have my beloved Amanda. that is all I need, all I want, all I have time for. Hopefuly when I look her in the eyes and tell her, in no uncertain terms, "Amanda, I love you", she will see the truth. Hopefuly those damnable seeds of doubt will be burned away by the heat of my passion for her. Hopefuly this will not turn into another trainwreck of "all that could have been" like so many other good things in my life. Hopefuly I won't have to hate someone with a passion equal to my love for Amanda .
Amanda, I love you...... | | | |
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